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Posts Tagged ‘living with emetophobia’

Goodness me, where on earth do I start here? Day to day life has been a struggle for me for as long as I remember but now I’m a mom, living with emetophobia on a daily basis is even harder. How I got through my pregnancies, I really don’t know. All I do know is that my dreams as a little girl of having at least 4 children are through. I couldn’t possibly go through another pregnancy ever again and only got through these two dosed up on paxil and by lying in bed all day because I believed that if I got up, I would be sick. Period. To deal with emetophobia was just as hard now as ever.

I love the very bones of my kids, but not only do I have myself to think of now, but I’m having to deal with nurseries, playing outside, them eating food from unknown sources (I can’t even bear them eating or drinking at my mom’s as she has a dog and what if it passes those germs on!). I worry at the slightest cough they have, thinking it’s going to make them throw up and can’t bear the thought of toilet training, which is becoming overdue now that my oldest is over 2.

The only “good” thing to come out of all this with regard to living with emetophobia is that I admit to being less focused on myself. It’s almost like I’m on total autopilot as regards my own habits. I still go through bucketloads of sanitizer and have bottles of it in every room, at the front door, in the car, at my mom’s, in my coat pockets and in my purse. The problem though is that although I couldn’t get over emetophobia, I’m accomplished at dealing with my own issues, my children just don’t get it. They are the first to touch things outside that they just shouldn’t touch. The first to put anything and everything in their mouths, given the chance…..which reminds me….

A couple of months ago I was at my good friend, Sue’s house. She has a child the same age as my oldest one and whilst we were sat talking and the children were playing (she knows I’m living with emetophobia-limited toys out-all sanitized!). In a flash, my little one walked up to me with a toothbrush in her mouth. Of course I was mortified as she’d grabbed a horrible, germ ridden toothbrush from the bathroom. No, it was actually much worse than that.

She had got the toothbrush from the utility room and Sue used it for cleaning “crevices” around the house!

I made her spit, spit and spit again and gargle with some water, horrified that she had ingested something that was going to make her sick. My friend was so embarrassed and apologetic that she had unwittingly left it out, but that wasn’t good enough for me-oh no!

I could feel the panic rising and the palpitations starting in my chest. I grabbed the kids and shouted serious abuse at my friend, saying I never wanted to see her again. I spent that night awake, petrified that my little girl was going to be sick because of all the germs she had eaten. She actually wasn’t sick and a day or two later I confessed to my husband that I’d fallen out with Sue and he actually understood why I had flipped, as he agreed that our little girl shouldn’t have been able to get hold of the toothbrush.

Of course being a mom is all about protecting your kids, but when you’re living with emetophobia, an irrational side takes over and when I’m feeling “rational” I know that my phobia and fears are taking up a big part of the fun side of having kids and I truly cannot enjoy them as I should. There are so many things I feel “robbed” of on a daily basis, such as taking them swimming, to the fast food restaurant, to play areas and even going on holiday.

I have decided to finally try to do something positive about it as I am not prepared to ruin their lives as mine has been. I am partway through a program which is really helping, but the steps are slow and steady.

If you would like to see details of the system I am currently following, you can find details at How To overcome emetophobia.

The system uses a tried and tested four step technique and is guaranteed to work so that living with emetophobia becomes a distant memory.

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